Thursday, December 17, 2009

You Just Good Online (ft. Da Kippa) (prod. by Miles Davis)

0 comments
>


That's some fine Photoshopping, ma'am.

Thanks to C.M. de la VEGA for his awesome directing and editing. Check out Miles Davis at http://www.myspace.com/milesdproductions

And Da Kippa at: www.myspace.com/dakippa.

Consider this video a Christmas present. Unless you are Jewish. THEN YOU GET NOTHING.

Alright, fine. You can consider this a Hanukkah present. And Kwanzaa present. And Voodoo Day present. Whatever. It's better than socks.
Digg this

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Damn, It Feels Good To Be White (ft. Da Kippa) (prod. by Miles Davis)

0 comments


We're so lame! (Apologies to Al Sharpton.)

Thanks to C.M. de la VEGA for his awesome directing and editing. Check out Miles Davis at http://www.myspace.com/milesdproductions

And Da Kippa at: www.myspace.com/dakippa and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FI5gBWcSZCk and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zclB1oj_IPA

And if you're one of the two people who checks this site, you might have noticed a lack of updates lately. This is because I moved to LA and have been working as a host on the CW/CBS show Smash Cuts. (It turns out people with Nightmare Faces can be in front of the camera.)

Anyway, over the past few months, I've collaborated with Smash Cuts Friends for Bino White Weeklies. But then I finished Bino White Weekly, and we finished shooting the first season of Smash Cuts. What to do now? Start painting? Write the Great American Novel? Kidnap children? Decisions, decisions.

Well, I'm going to put out some material I wasn't able to release during the past few months. Next Thursday, there will be another BRAND NEW MUSIC VIDEO featuring all the Smash Cuts Friends. And in 2010, stay tuned for sketches, music videos and maybe...TV shows.....
Digg this

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Bino White Weekly: The Mixtape (Part 2)

1 comments

27. Public Transportation
28. Self-Deprecating Song (ft. AC Unit)
29. Party Crasher
30. Lower Your Standards
31. Straight Outta Fosston
32. Michigan vs. Minnesota (ft. Prince Delight)
33. I'm in Hollywood
34. Get To Know Me
35. Kill You With Fiction
36. Optimist vs. Pessimist (ft. Sticky Wicket)
37. Rap Song Fail
38. Too Soon (Death of Death of Autotune Freestyles)
39. World Wide Web
40. It's All Good (ft. HoodE)
41. Do You Like Me? (Yes, No or Maybe)
42. Let's Bone
43. Craigslist Sex Meet-Up
44. Too Soon Part 2
45. Rap Superheroes (ft. Da Kippa)
46. Shoutouts (ft. Optimus Crime)
47. Lords of the Rings (ft. Jerhymasaurus)
48. Run This Universe (ft. P.Genz)
49. Watch Smash Cuts (ft. Julian Smith)
50. Throw It In My Mouth (ft. Da Kalorie Kounta)
51. Hot Mess (ft. Donnivin Jordan)
52. You Wanna Stay
53. Sorry, Crooked I
54. The End
(Bonus) Nerdcore
(Bonus) I'm So Underrated

Well, this is it. I wrote, recorded and mixed a rap song a week for 54 weeks in a row, and edited a video to accompany each one. Maybe my reward is yet to come? In the form of a record deal? Or a hug? Because my preference would be the record deal. DON'T TOUCH ME.

I'm not done rapping, but I am done making weekly raps. What am I going to do with my free time, you ask? Have a social life. JUST KIDDING. I'm going to do Other Things, and maybe those Other Things will be successful. Stay tuned.


Digg this

Friday, October 16, 2009

Week 52: You Wanna Stay

0 comments
For the week of 10/11/2009 - 10/17/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

What do you after you record a rap song every week for a year? You party. You f***ing party.

I have now officially tied Crooked I's weekly rap record, and unless he shoots me, I will break his record next week.

After that, there will be just one more song (Week 54), to give my two fans some closure. I CARE ABOUT YOU VERY MUCH.

Now, let's party.

Digg this

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Week 51: Hot Mess (ft. Donnivin Jordan) (Produced by Miles Davis)

0 comments
For the week of 10/4/2009 - 10/10/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

That's what you are, girl. Sorry.

Donnivin Jordan is a comedian/actor/Black Man, who has appeared on Hell Date, Next and every stand-up comedy stage in LA. He is also one of the other cast members/hosts of Smash Cuts, your new favorite show.

And no, the zombie of Miles Davis did not make the beat. This is a different Miles Davis, who is a hip-hop producer and an audio mixer for several shows (including Smash Cuts!) His work was featured on Beef: The Series, and he was the headline producer for The Source Unsigned Hype Tour. (One day, I hope to be signed hype.)

My two fans may know that I am ending Bino White Weekly on Week 54, which means there are only three songs left. And Donnivin Jordan is the last guest appearance. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU GOT UNTIL IT'S GONE.

Check out Donnivin Jordan at http://www.facebook.com/donnivin and Miles Davis at http://www.myspace.com/milesdproductions

Collaborations with previous Smash Cuts friends:

Throw It In My Mouth (ft. Da Kalorie Kounta)

Watch Smash Cuts (ft. Julian Smith)

Shoutouts (ft. Optimus Crime)

Rap Superheroes (ft. Da Kippa)

Digg this

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Things That Are Happening NOW - 10/8/2009

0 comments

- The New York Daily News says David Letterman has a "secret bedroom" above the Ed Sullivan theater. Hey New York Daily News, why don't you report about the "secret bedroom" above the basement at Smash Cuts? We use it for sex every Sunday - the cast, the crew, random street people. It's an orgy of pain and delight (but mostly pain).

- Barack Obama is going to pass universal health care through magical slam dunks.

- Anti-gay violence will now be labeled a "hate crime," instead of "what Republicans do for fun."

- We're finally declaring war on the moon. So suck it, moon! The sun and the stars are the best. You're just a fake-ass planet, anyway. Go run somewhere and be gay with Pluto. (I may have just committed a hate crime.)

- N.E.R.D. has added a female member to their group. Her name is "Not Fergie."

- Shyne may be released from prison after ten years. That seems like a long time, but keep in mind, impersonating Biggie is a felony.

- Method Man has been busted for tax evasion. But he has yet to be busted for sewing your asshole closed and just feeding you, and feeding you, and feeding you...

Digg this

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Week 50: Throw It In My Mouth (ft. Da Kalorie Kounta)

0 comments
For the week of 9/27/2009 - 10/3/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

I don't care what it is. BUT SHE DOES.

Da Kalorie Kounta is Angie Greenup, a comedian/female. She has hosted things for TV Guide, Fearnet and Break.com, as well as appeared in Surviving Disaster, Dress My Nest and your wildest fantasies. She is also one of the other cast members/hosts of Smash Cuts, your new favorite show. Why aren't you watching it now? IT'S THE ONLY TIME YOU'RE HAPPY.

Check out more of Angie Greenup at http://www.AngieGreenup.com.

Collaborations with previous Smash Cuts friends:

Watch Smash Cuts (ft. Julian Smith)

Shoutouts (ft. Optimus Crime)

Rap Superheroes (ft. Da Kippa)

Digg this

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Special Delivery: I'm So Underrated

0 comments


Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

You know this to be true.

And that's right! This isn't a "Bino White Weekly." About every ten weeks since Week 1, I've recorded an extra song. (Mostly because I have no life.)

Here are the other extra songs:


Digg this

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Things That Are Happening NOW - 9/29/2009

0 comments

- Jon is leaving Jon & Kate Plus 8, so now it will just be called Kate Plus 8. I have never been tempted to watch this show. Let me know when it's A Minotaur Plus 8.

- Sarah Palin is going to be a best-selling author, God help us. Have you ever read a book where every sentence ends in "also"? Get ready. I'm going to wait for the audiobook, by Christopher Walken.

- Britney Spears has released a new single called "3." It either stands for the number of people in a menage a trois, or how old Britney was the last time she was happy.

- New SNL cast member Jenny Slate accidentally said "fuck" on the air. Meanwhile, ex-SNL cast member Ellen Cleghorne says "fuck" every day, because of her life.

- Rap group Slaughterhouse might be signing to Shady Records, which is great news. Royce da 5'9" and Eminem might be friends again! Keep an eye out for friendship bracelets.

- Saigon has released a song called Shoutouts, nearly a month about Bino White and Optimus Crime released a song called Shoutouts. Hey Saigon, STOP RIPPING US OFF. Or we'll be forced to rip you off, and get Turtle to manage us on Entourage.

Digg this

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Week 49: Watch Smash Cuts (ft. Julian Smith)

2 comments
For the week of 9/20/2009 - 9/26/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

Because if you don't, you won't be cool. (Disclaimer: This video does not necessarily represent the views of CBS, The CW, Renegade 83, Smash Cuts, or any rational human being.)

Julian Smith guest-appears, guest-directs and guest-edits. You may recognize him from his many Interweb hits, such as 25 Things I Hate About Facebook. Right now we are both cast members on the CBS/CW show Smash Cuts, which premieres this Sunday, September 27th. Finally, my dozens of fans will mingle with Julian's millions! (It will be gloriously awkward, like a high school dance.)

To see Julian's other work, visit http://www.youtube.com/juliansmith87 or http://www.juliansmith.tv

Collaborations with previous Smash Cuts friends:

Shoutouts (ft. Optimus Crime)

Rap Superheroes (ft. Da Kippa)

Digg this

Drake, Kanye, Little Wayne & Eminem To Be Friends Forever

1 comments


Well, I guess this is a pretty good rap supergroup. But the best group ever would be Steve Roll'n from Tag Team, Mack Daddy from Kriss Kross, Yella from N.W.A., and Magoo from Timbaland & Magoo.

Speaking of rap groups, did you catch Slaughterhouse standing behind Eminem? I'm pretty sure I saw Joe Budden giggle and Joell Ortiz look hungry. Either this is a sign that Slaughterhouse is signing to Shady Records, or that Slaughterhouse and Eminem just had a fun sleepover. (They spent all night playing "light as a feather, stiff as a board.")

As for Drake's "Forever" music video, it's cool. But it's no Degrassi.

P.S. I write "Little Wayne," because I can't bring myself to abbreviate "little." It makes my soul weep.
Digg this

Friday, September 18, 2009

Week 48: Run This Universe (ft. P.Genz)

0 comments
For the week of 9/13/2009 - 9/18/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

We're too big for towns.

Check out P.Genz at www.myspace.com/pgenz. He's a talented young rapper with an album better than most major label releases: It's called Souluxe, and is available on Amazon and P.Genz - Souluxe.

And if you'd like to check out my album, look in your local garbage bin. There's sure to be a copy, stained with tears of laughter.

Digg this

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Beyonce Knowles vs. Taylor Swift: The Battle For Kanye West's Heart

0 comments

Earlier tonight, MTV held their Video Music Awards, which are very prestigious. (No one knows music better than the people behind The Hills and Room Raiders.) And every year, something "crazy" happens, like Britney Spears making out with a snake. Then the next day, everyone talks about it. "Can you believe Britney Spears made out with a snake!" "That girl is crazy!" "Sure is!" "Ha, ha!" "OUR LIVES ARE SO EMPTY."

Anyway, this year was no disappointment, as Tight Pants Enthusiast Kanye West stormed the stage. It was kind like of when Ol' Dirty Bastard stormed the stage at the 1997 Grammy's, except not as funny. You see, Taylor Swift won the award for Best Whatever, and that did not sit well with Kanye. He thought Beyonce should have won, because she is the Norse God of Gyration. So of course he runs on stage, takes the mic away from Taylor Swift, and says Beyonce made one of the best videos ever. This should all give Kanye something to rap about on his next album, Designer Labels And Why I'm Great.

But this got me thinking - what are these videos everyone is so upset about? Let's take a look.

Beyonce - Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)



So...we're supposed to propose to girls as soon as we meet them? And aren't rings like super expensive? You should probably date a girl for a while before buying them things that represent a life commitment. And what if you liked it, but didn't want to put a ring on it? Maybe you liked it, but just wanted to kiss it and run away. And who is "it," anyway? Cthulhu? I'm so confused.

But the video is awesome! I think it's in black and white because if it were in color, we wouldn't be able to handle Beyonce's sexiness. Our faces would melt, like the guys who saw the Ark of the Covenant at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Beyonce will teach us many new dances in the decades to come, and for we shall be thankful, and rejoice.

Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me



Hot girls wearing glasses have such a hard time dating. Will they never get a break?

Well, I'm guessing they could get a break, if they took off their glasses. Glasses make you hideous! It's like wearing a berka made out of poop.

And what's with pretty people making songs about being unloved? I'm pretty sure you're not unloved, pretty people. That's like an ugly person singing about being sexually desirable. Which I guess Fat Joe does. I'd like this video more if Fat Joe was the Heartthrob Jock pursuing Taylor Swift the Ugly Loser. Then it would be clear the video was taking place in an alternate universe.

Also, notice that Taylor Swift does not get her Dream Guy until she takes off her glasses . This whole video is basically an ad for contacts.

So what's the best video? Raekwon's "House Of Flying Daggers." But Beyonce and Taylor Swift, nice work. You can start making out like Britney Spears and the snake any time now.
Digg this

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Week 47: Lords of the Rings (ft. Jerhymasaurus)

0 comments
For the week of 9/6/2009 - 9/12/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

The best Lord of the Rings song not written by Tom Bombadil. Jerhymasaurus is a rapper and filmmaker living in Los Angeles. Check out his website at http://jeremiahalexis.com/ and his videos & www.youtube.com/jeremiahalexis

My apologies for no more daily blogging. It's been hard with shooting Smash Cuts all week. When we wrap filming, I'll be able to post more stupid things here.

Digg this

Friday, September 4, 2009

Week 46: Shoutouts (ft. Optimus Crime)

0 comments
For the week of 8/30/2009 - 9/5/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

There a lot of people we'd like to thank. KAPOW!

Optimus Prime is Tommy Bechtold, one of the other cast members of Smash Cuts. The show premieres September 27th on CBS/The CW, and if you don't watch it, you won't get into Heaven. Also, Tommy is in the upcoming movie Sophomore.

I'll be collaborating with all the Smash Cuts cast members before Bino White Weekly ends on Week 54. And there will be a couple collaborations with other people. IT'S LIKE I HAVE FRIENDS.

Digg this

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Things That Are Happening NOW - 9/2/2009

0 comments
- President Obama is going to address Congress about health care. If if it goes anything like a Town Hall Meeting, he will be interrupted by angry hobbit-Americans, holding misspelled signs, loaded guns and what's left of their shattered dreams. Oh, and throw in Glenn Beck, weeping, drawing swastikas on the floor with his own blood. Our country is turning into a nightmare circus freak show, over the most boring issue ever.

- God hates Los Angeles.

- Gmail broke down yesterday, giving hipsters everywhere an excuse not to work, even though they weren't really working anyway. So, they spent 100 minutes adjusting their ironic T-shirts and reading Pitchfork reviews. (WHAT UP, TAKEN BY TREES!)

- DJ AM is dead. I'll forever remember how he...um...dated Nicole Richie? Tweeted? Played music in nightclubs? I don't think I'm supposed to be in this grief circle. You guys have fun, though. Wait, not "fun." You know what I mean. A human died!

- Jaycee Dugard escaped from her kidnapper, after 18 years of being held hostage. So what you're saying is, she's available! Someone please update her Facebook status to "Single." But don't poke her. It's too soon.

- Next week Raekwon will release Only Built 4 Cuban Linx II, and Jay-Z will release The Blueprint 3. Will Kriss Kross never release Totally Krossed Out II?

- Drake, Kanye West, Eminem and Little Wayne collaborated on a song for a LeBron James documentary. The recording sessions must have been quite a party. Drake gave everyone maple syrup, Kanye gave everyone tight pants, Eminem gave everyone pills, and Little Wayne gave everyone wackness.

Digg this

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Week 45: Rap Superheroes (ft. Da Kippa)

0 comments
For the week of 8/23/2009 - 8/30/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

We catch the villain, save the world and get the girl. How could you not like us? Unless you're jealous. Please don't be jealous. Or we won't save you. We'll just let you die.

Da Kippa makes a guest appearance! He is one of the other cast members of CBS/The CW's Smash Cuts, which we are filming now. I'm going to work in all the other cast members before I end Bino White Weekly on Week 54.

Check out Da Kippa's other raps at:

www.myspace.com/dakippa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FI5gBWcSZCk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zclB1oj_IPA

Digg this

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Wu-Tang Cartoons Ain't Nuthin Ta F' Wit

0 comments


This is a pretty ridiculous video for "House Of Flying Daggers." It will be on Raekwon's Only Built For Cuban Linx 2, which was promised to us back in 1943.

The song features Inspectah Deck, GZA, Ghostface Killah and Method Man, who delivers a verse strong enough to make Joe Budden eat his Webcam. There is also a short intro from The RZA, who is now pretty much a full time Marble Mouth Philosopher. J Dilla produced the beat, and somewhere up in Heaven/Narnia, he is drinking 40's with Ol' Dirty Bastard and John Hughes.

ON SEPTEMBER 8, BUY CUBAN LINX 2 INSTEAD OF FOOD.
Digg this

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Week 44: Too Soon Part 2

0 comments
For the week of 8/16/2009 - 8/22/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

Some rhymes about Robert Novak, health care and White Chicks 2. Hey, it's the end of the week. Give me a break. I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME A BREAK.

Digg this

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Movies You Can See Instead Of Talking To Your Loved Ones - 8/19/2009

0 comments

District 9


For years, South Africa has been a safe haven for sadness. In this movie, it's also a safe haven for extraterrestrial refugees. This means we will see the wacky hijinks of E.T., Chtulhu, The Predator, ALF and Jar Jar Binks. But in the trailer, we just see a vague creature with its face blurred - possibly because its face looks like boobs? I'm guessing it was an alien, because it wasn't speaking English. There really should have been a redneck in the room screaming "SPEAK ENGLISH! IT'S 'MURRICAN! EARTH IS 'MURRICAN!" In the end, they build a fence around the Earth and make the aliens be rich people's maids. What else? Oh, this movie is shot in the style of a documentary, to confuse The Dumb.

Trailer
Rotten Tomatoes - 88%



The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard

So, we're just going to make taglines part of the titles now? Good to know. Hopefully we can make a title so long it takes up the whole marquee, looks like a book, and makes people's heads explode. Anyway, Jeremy Piven plays a cocky, fast-talking car salesman. You might think his character is too similar to Ari Gold, and wonder why Jeremy Piven keeps playing characters like Ari Gold. Well, the answer is, it makes his hair grow back. Remember when Jeremy Piven wasn't playing Ari Gold? He was balding. Then he started playing Ari Gold, and wasn't balding. It's magical. Everyone who is balding, throw away your Propecia and Rogaine and start playing Ari Gold. It totally works.

Trailer
Rotten Tomatoes - 29%



G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

If they make a porn version of this, it will have the same title. I watched the trailer, and this is not really a movie. It's reheated Progresso Nostalgia & Sausage Soup. You guys like GI Joe? This movie has GI Joe references. You guys like the White House being destroyed in Independence Day? Here's the Eiffel Tower being destroyed. You like slow-motion bullet-dodging ballet fights like in The Matrix? Here are some slow-motion bullet-dodging ballet fights. Add a bucket of explosions, a pinch of Marlon Wayans and a teaspoon of some other vaguely familiar people. You might want to order out.

Trailer
Rotten Tomatoes - 38%

Digg this

Friday, August 14, 2009

Week 43: Craigslist Sex Meetup - UPDATED (AGAIN)

0 comments
For the week of 8/9/2009 - 8/15/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

The confessions of a submissive, body suspension artist and Furry. It's time to be traumatized, kids! (This is very different from Weird Al's Craigslist song.)

This completes the storytelling trilogy of love songs that no one cared about. I've been blogging pretty frequently for over half a year, with weekly raps, but still get zero comments on 95% of my posts. Maybe when the TV show I'm on airs in September things will be different? I hope so. Because this is just kind of sad.

UPDATE: YouTube took down my video for "having nudity." Um, okay. You wouldn't want nudity in a video called "Craigslist Sex Meet-Up!" Black bars ahoy.

UPDATE (AGAIN): Bowdlerized version uploaded. Let's hope the craziness ends here. Also, YouTube, what does it take to be featured? A jump-cut Webcam rant? One-man sketches with wigs? I'm been giving you gold for 43 weeks, YouTube. And all I've gotten back is a censorship request.

Digg this

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Things That Are Happening NOW - 8/12/2009

0 comments

- Tonight is your last night to see the Perseid meteor shower. IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT WILL FILL THE HOLE OF HAVING NO GIRLFRIEND. Props to the planet Saturn for lighting up the sky, though. Nice to see you finally doing something, jerk.

- U.S. Town Hall meetings about health care are slightly more civil than cavemen beating each other to death with sticks. Honestly, none of us should have health care. Let's call it quits on the human race and give the world to the cockroaches. They're more civil.

- Who will replace Paula Abdul on American Idol? Oh, I don't know. How about a goblin?

- Heidi Montag's body is pretty much all plastic. I guess her goal is to look an evil tangerine lizard witch? Oh, and she still can't sing, or act, or do anything, but consistently makes front page news. The human race really doesn't deserve to continue, you guys. Cockroaches. Cockroaches for the win.

- John Hughes is dead, at 59. I bet when he reached the Gates of Heaven, St. Peter slapped both cheeks and went "Ahhhhhhhhhh!" (Sorry Sixteen Candles, Home Alone is my go-to John Hughes reference.)

- Rap group Slaughterhouse has released their first album, and is planning their second. But if they really want success, they should follow the footsteps of the Black Eyed Peas: 1) Add a white girl 2) MAKE THE WORST MUSIC EVER.

- Raekwon's entourage jumped Joe Budden while he was live blogging at Rock The Bells. Honestly, Raekwon's entourage should jump EVERYONE THAT IS LIVE BLOGGING. It makes God smile.

Digg this

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Throwback: Joe Gets a Hog (2007)

0 comments


A visit to the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in South Dakota, to learn how to be badass instead of an ass. Shot with the great Hassan S. Ali in the blustery days of 2007.

Updates are going to be less frequent, because I have a new job on a TeeVee show called Smash Cuts. IT IS AWESOME. Hosting! Comedy! Syndicated! I've already bought my Porsche. (Hinty McHintinson)
Digg this

Friday, August 7, 2009

Week 42: Let's Bone

1 comments
For the week of 8/2/2009 - 8/8/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

It's just a suggestion. AND A COMMAND. This is the second of three storytelling songs about love. Since I can count my fanbase on my fingers, I can feel the non-excitement. Oh wells!

Digg this

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Jay-Z To Release "The Blueprint 3: I Took A Break From Boning Beyonce"

0 comments
On September 11th, 2001, something happened that changed the world - the release of Jay-Z's The Blueprint. It was so good that everyone stood mesmerized in front of their TV's, waiting for newscasters to mention how much they liked "J to the Izzo." They even shut down airports, because people were listening to "Girls Girls Girls" and getting too horny. And who can forget George W. Bush's tearful speech about "Hola Hovito"? I know I can't. NEVER FORGET.

Now here we are, eight years later, and Jay-Z is set to release The Blueprint 3. As you can tell from the cover, it will be about a high school band's crowded storage room. And that school isn't doing too well - one of the kids tried to spraypaint an equals sign, and failed miserably. It's a tragedy, mostly produced by Kanye West, who rolls with a posse that is ready to audition for The 5th Element at any moment.

Tracklist:

1. What We Talking About (Produced by Kanye West)
2. D.O.A. (Produced by No I.D.)
3. Weigh Me Down Feat. Kid Cudi (Produced by Kanye West)
4. Unforgiven (Produced by Kanye West, Additional Production: MGMT)
5. Run This Town Feat. Rihanna & Kanye West (Produced by Kanye West)
6. Empire State Of Mind Feat. Nas (Produced by Kanye West & No I.D.)
7. When It Comes To This (Produced by Timbaland)
8. Always Feat. Drake (Produced by Kanye West)
9. Scenes From The Past (Produced by No I.D., Co-produced by Kanye West)
10. Everyday A Star Is Born Feat. Mr. Hudson (Produced by Kanye West)
11. Already Home (Produced by Kanye West)
12. Forever Young Feat. Mr. Hudson (Produced by Kanye West)
13. Thank You (Produced by No I.D.)
14. Sound Of The 70s (Produced by Kanye West)
15. We Made History (Produced by Kanye West)
Digg this

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Hello Shark Week, Goodbye Ladybug Week

0 comments


Just a heads-up: This week is Shark Week on The Discovery Channel. You may celebrate by chiseling your teeth into points, wearing a dorsal fin and tossing chum all over your living room. (If your girlfriend complains, TEAR HER TO PIECES.)

Also, Jaws: The Revenge.
Digg this

Monday, August 3, 2009

Movies You Can See Instead Of Talking To Your Loved Ones - 8/3/2009

0 comments
Funny People

What's funnier than a movie starring Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen? A movie about death. This movie combines the two, in an effort to make you laugh and cry, while your soul crumbles. Adam Sandler plays a dying stand-up comedian/movie star and Seth Rogen plays an aspiring stand-up comedian that is all too eager to be his assistant. Along the way, we meet The RZA, Andy Dick, Jonah Hill, Eminem, Norm MacDonald, Sarah Silverman, Ray Romano and whoever else showed up to the mass text message (want 2 b in fnny ppl?). This movie is great, but make sure you know what you're in for, fratboys. I love that Judd Apatow's wife and kids get bigger parts from movie to movie. His next film will be called My Wife And Kids Are Adorable, and we will line up to see it in droves.

Trailer
Rotten Tomatoes - 67%


The Ugly Truth

Katherine Heigl plays a "romantically challenged morning show producer." Because if anyone has a hard time dating, it's hot successful women. Thankfully, her character gets some advice by Gerard Butler, who plays a douchebag. In the trailer, this advice includes "eating a hot dog slowly." Yeah, girl. Put that pink mealy slab of miscellaneous animal meat in your mouth. Super hot! I'm pretty sure if I told a girl to do that, she'd slap me in the face. But I don't look like Gerard Butler. So, I guess the point of this movie is that if you look like Gerard Butler, you can get a girl like Katherine Heigl, despite douchebaggery. Maybe I'm being too negative. It's just, if we're going to do a "battle of the sexes" movie, let's make it a literal "battle of the sexes" movie, where men go to war with women. I'd see that film, because instead of meeting cute, Gerard Butler and Katherine Heigl would be shooting each other with flamethrowers. EVERYONE WINS.

Trailer
Rotten Tomatoes - 15%

Orphan

A man and woman lose their unborn child, and are too bummed out to ever bone again. Whatever will they do? Adopt a child, of course. But not just any child! An unctuous little girl named Esther, who looks like she's perpetually auditioning for the role of Wednesday Addams. Then strange things begin to happen - very strange, and probably bad, too! I can't tell what they are from this trailer, but they mostly involve screaming, fast cuts and sudden musical cues. Oh, she backs up her mother's car pretty quickly. If that doesn't strike horror into your heart, I'm not sure what will. (Maybe things that actually inspire horror?) Again, maybe I'm being too negative. It's just, this reminds me too much of The Good Son, and I love The Good Son. Macaualay Culkin's legacy must live on! Live on, I say! RENT THE PAGEMASTER, RICHIE RICH AND GETTING EVEN WITH DAD RIGHT NOW.

Trailer
Rotten Tomatoes - 46%

Digg this

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Week 41: Do You Like Me? (Yes, No or Maybe)

0 comments
For the week of 7/26/2009 - 8/1/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

Check one, please. Thanks.

This is the first of three storytelling songs about love. GET READY TO HAVE YOUR MIND BLOWN. Or mildly amused. Either way, you win.

Digg this

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Things That Are Happening NOW - 7/30/2009

0 comments

- William Shatner performs a beat-poetry reading of Sarah Palin's bizarre farewell speech on The Tonight Show. Then he returned to read her Tweets. This is so awesome. Please keep talking, Sarah. Talk forever.

- Only 53% of honkeys approve of The Chocolate Man.

- The debate over whether to change our health care system from "terrible" to "less terrible" rages on. But do the people working two part time jobs really need affordable health care? They have TWO jobs. They're raking it in! If anything, they should have to pay more.

- Rachelle Lefevre's character has been recast for the third Twilight movie. If you have a vagina, those words probably mean something.

- 2Pac's first recordings are going to be released by his childhood friend, because he needs a new car or something. They're from when 2pac was 16 years old. If you listen closely during one of the songs, you can hear his balls drop.

- The trailer for the next Coen Bros movie, A Serious Man, is on the Interweb. It is so intense, you expect Javier Bardem to jump out at any moment and murder you.

- We also have a trailer for Wes Anderson's Fantastic Mr. Fox. We can't be too far away from Darren Aronofsky's The BFG.

- Tiffani Thiessen may not show up for the Saved By The Bell reunion, because she's too busy making videos for Funny Or Die. Also, boobs.

- Activision has released an 85-song set list for Guitar Hero 5 on Wii. Still no "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba? For shame, Activision. FOR SHAME.

Digg this

I Wish They All Could Be California Girls

1 comments


Wow, it's the only person in the world that makes Sarah Palin look smart. If you threw a blanket over her head, she'd scream, "I'm blind, I'm blind!"
Digg this

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Crooked I Represents Slaugterhouse

0 comments

Crooked I, one fourth of the rap group Slaughterhouse, decided to show off his affiliation with a tattoo. But unfortunately...there's a spelling error.

I'm a big fan of Crooked I and Slaughterhouse, so I can't clown him too much. Also, misspelled tattoos might be common in hip-hop. Method Man could have one that says "Wu-Tag Clan." 50 Cent could have one that says "G-UNT." Q-Tip could have one that says "A Tribe Called Quet." YOU DON'T KNOW. THAT'S ALL THAT I'M SAYING. YOU DON'T KNOW.

Maybe he should skip the laser removal and get his arm replaced with a robotic arm, like Jax in Mortal Kombat.
Digg this

Monday, July 27, 2009

MST3K: The Home Economics Story

0 comments


One of my favorite television shows is Mystery Science Theater 3000, because it combines two great things: Terrible movies, and making fun of terrible movies. Also, it was filmed in my home state of Minnesota. (WHAT UP, MST3K INFO CLUB IN HOPKINS!)

I discovered the show when Princess Diana died in 1997. All of the networks were airing live coverage of her car crash, and this annoyed me, because I couldn't watch Saturday Night Live. I didn't want to see people mourn "America's Princess." I wanted to see The Spartan Cheerleaders! And Goatboy!

So, I ventured to the strange land of basic cable, landing on "The SciFi Channel." (Now you might know it as SyFy, the periodic element for sadness.) They were showing an MST3K episode - I believe it was Revenge of the Creature - and I fell in love. (I would never fall in love again.)

Since then, I've caught up on all the classic MST3K's, from Joel to Mike, and Manos to Mitchell, but one of my favorite episodes is where they mock The Home Economics Story. You have to love a video that promises "science classes even a girl would like!" and shows women operating blenders. Ah, the 1950's - when being sexist was adorable.

Digg this

Friday, July 24, 2009

Week 40: It's All Good (ft. HoodE) (produced by CUTH)

0 comments
For the week of 7/19/2009 - 7/25/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

A song about good things, that are good, with goodness. Produced by CUTH @ http://www.myspace.com/cuthproductions Featuring HoodE @ http://www.myspace.com/hoodempathy

The next three songs are going to be about love, with storytelling, over beats that might surprise you.

Digg this

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Wu-Tang Legos Ain't Nuthin Ta F' Wit

0 comments


Wu-Tang's classic cut "Da Mystery of Chessboxin'," recreated with Legos, and, one assumes, an abundance of free time.

This is just a big bucket of awesome. SPLASH IT ALL OVER YOURSELF.

(Original video)
Digg this

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Things That Are Happening NOW - 7/22/2009

0 comments

- Obama is pushing to reform our health care system, but facing heavy opposition, since poor people deserve to die. Yeah, every other wealthy, civilized country has universal health care. But who cares? My health care plan is "Don't Get Sick" and it's working out great.

- Sam Raimi has agreed to direct a World of Warcraft movie. In case you aren't familiar with World of Warcraft, it's about people that look like hobbits wasting their lives. Raimi will direct it after he finishes Spiderman 4: Peter and Mary Jane Look At Each Other And Cry.

- That dog from the Taco Bell commercials died. WILL NO ONE CHECK ON THE HEALTH OF THE BUD LIGHT FROGS?

- Futurama may be returning without the original voices, in an attempt to inject the show with more sadness. (Maybe they can 'improve' the show further by having it take place in the present.)

- The tracklist has been released for Raekwon's highly anticipated Only Built For Cuban Linx 2, which means it's one step closer to not coming out at the last minute, due to sample issues.

- P.Diddy has pushed back the release date to his upcoming album, Last Train To Paris, but he's still LOCKING IN, Y'ALL!!! ARE YOU LOCKED IN?!?!?! LET'S GET IT!!!! YEAH!!!!

- IGN gave Wii Sports Resort a pretty good review, which is great news for those of us that hate being outdoors. When I take my shirt off at the beach, it's like the Ark of the Covenant. (WHAT UP, JOKES FROM FOUR YEARS AGO!)

Digg this

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Black Eyed Peas Record Worst Song Ever

0 comments


It's funny because it's true. L’chaim! (Nothing says "party" like quoting Hebrew.)
Digg this

Monday, July 20, 2009

Throwback: Joe Gets Arrested

0 comments


This was the 11th episode of Joe Gets, made all the way back in 2006 (as you can tell by my hilarious 2006 clothes and 2006 hair). Back then, "Twitter" was just something birds did, and Hassan and I had to walk uphill both ways to annoy people with stupid questions.

In this episode, we visited the Lisle Police Department so I could experience what it's like to be arrested. (In real life, I never get arrested, because I use The Force.) The Chicago Police Department refused to work with us, because they were too busy "solving crimes," so I tried the suburbs. Lisle was down.

The end of the intro is kind of traumatizing, but I think this was one of our strongest episodes. WATCH IT INSTEAD OF WORKING OR FEEDING YOUR BABY.

Digg this

Friday, July 17, 2009

Movies You Can See Instead Of Talking To Your Loved Ones - 7/17/2009

0 comments
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

I haven't seen this yet, which means I've dropped from a Level 3 Nerd to a Level 5 Nerd. But it's cool. I'll just up my rank with some Dune references - KWISATZ HADERACH BENE GESSERIT DUNCAN IDAHO. Whew! That felt good. Anyway, this is the 6th movie in the Harry Potter franchise, which has gotten progressively darker with each entry. (The last film will be slightly more happy than finding out you have cancer.) From what I recall, the book is epic and heartbreaking, so this shouldn't disappoint. If nothing else, see it because Emma Watson is 19, and you can think dirty thoughts about her without Chris Hansen showing up. Hooray!

Trailer
Rotten Tomatoes - 85%


Bruno

As a longtime Ali G fan, it's been fun watching Sasha Baron Cohen blow up, but not so fun to see fratboys quote Borat. (Eees nice!) Thankfully, Bruno is so in-your-face-gay that fratboys won't see it - or they'll see it and get ideas for pledging rituals. I could see it going either way. Regardless, Bruno might lack the surprise of Borat, but is hilarious in its own right, setting its target on stage mothers, the fashion industry and homophobes. Check this out if you liked Borat, or if you forgot what male genitalia looks like. (There are more dicks in this movie than on Clay Aiken's screensaver. Zing!)

Trailer
Rotten Tomatoes - 69%

500 Days of Summer

This has all the hallmarks of a Zach Braff movie, but doesn't star Zach Braff, leaving me utterly confused. (Maybe he was too busy blasting The Shins. THEIR MUSIC WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE.) Instead, 500 Days stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel, who play the most adorable couple in the world. Joseph's character believes in true love, but Zooey's character does not, so they have a 500-day debate moderated by Jim Lehrer. Or he tries to win her back. See it to find out! I just hope he doesn't try standing outside her bedroom window with a boombox. When I try that in LA, the Crips take my boombox, and my dignity.

Trailer
Rotten Tomatoes - 89%

Digg this

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Week 39: World Wide Web

1 comments
For the week of 7/12/2009 - 7/18/2009:



Download mp3 on UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

30 websites, in puns, in rap. STOP GROANING.

Here are the websites referenced:

BinoWhite MySpace Fail Gmail Google Netflix Defamer Monster Gawker AV Club AintItCool Dark Horizons Twitter Delicious Amazon Fark Digg Stumbleupon AIM OkayPlayer HipHopGame HipHopDX Current SOHH Reddit The Onion YouTube FaceBook IMDB Yahoo Hotmail

It's kind of a sequel to "I Love The Internet (Week 9)"



Digg this

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Things That Are Happening NOW - 7/15/2009

0 comments
- The Space Shuttle Endeavor has lifted off, and is well on its way to the International Space Station to build a Jamba Juice. THERE CAN NEVER BE TOO MANY.

- The Supreme Court Justice hearings for Sonia Sotomayor are just as eye-gougingly awful as you think they are. "Will you kill babies with nunchuks, racist?" "No. No, I won't." "Liar!"

- Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince raked in over $22 million at Wednesday midnight showings, which means nerds everywhere are tired today. Hopefully they can stay awake for their busy schedule of not getting laid.

- Microsoft is going to open its own store like Apple's, except it will have viruses and randomly close several times a day. END TASK.

- Hip-hop legend Rakim will be releasing his long-awaited third solo album in the fall. He says it is "fueled by consciousness and spirituality," which means it will sell zero copies. GOTTA GET THAT BOOM BOOM BOOM.

- Complex compiled a history of The Game's beefs, and it is slightly longer than War & Peace.

- NORE says he's worked with a rapper that's secretly gay. It better not be Lil' Fisty!

- The Conduit for Wii looks pretty good, but if I buy it, I won't have money for food. Decisions, decisions.
Digg this

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Every Week On Entourage

0 comments


Entourage is a show about adorable rich people, yelling at Gaysians and Jeremy Piven magically having hair. Some call it Sex In The City For Men, but I don't think that's totally accurate, because none of the characters look like horses. (Or frighten small children.) There is a sense of escapism, though. I feel that much less now, since I live in Los Angeles. (Maybe if I want to escape, I should watch Little House on the Prairie.)

Anyway, I just finished Season 5. Interestingly, it featured Vincent Chase as down on his luck, having to take the second lead (Gasp!) in a firefighter movie directed by Crazy German McGee. I was hoping Vinnie would fail more, slum it on reality shows and make a glorious John Travolta-like comeback in a Tarantino movie. Instead, Martin Scorcese swooped down to save the day, and lovingly spat half-eaten food into Vincent Chase's mouth. NOTHING SAD CAN EVER HAPPEN ON ENTOURAGE.

In testament to this, there is the above video by College Humor, which summarizes every episode. I'm going to keep watching, though, because of the Escapism. MAYBE ONE DAY I CAN BONE JAMIE-LYNN SIGLER.
Digg this

Monday, July 13, 2009

Slaughterhouse "The One" (Uncut)

0 comments


In case you're not familiar, Slaughterhouse is a new boy band that is about to release their debut album. (They're like N'Sync, except they'll beat you up.) The group consists of four rappers that have each had their own struggles in the music industry, and are now best friends forever - Royce da 5'9", Joe Budden, Joell Ortiz and Crooked I. (I wanted to join, but they haven't responded to my resume and cover letter. Disappointing.)

This song is the lead single for their album, and it has all the hallmarks of a lead single - a catchy beat, a catchy chorus and a video with sexy, half-naked ladies. But it also has lyrics that are clever, hilarious and heads-and-shoulders above everything else on the radio.

I mean, "I'm 3008, you're two thousand and late," that's cool. But I prefer "I'm the the one who's always causin affairs, so every time your bitch burps, you smell my balls in the air!" Or "They dribbled on my balls in the whip, now that's a sports car!"

PLAY THIS IN THE CLUB FOREVER
Digg this

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Week 38: Too Soon (Death of Death of Autotune Freestyles)

0 comments
For the week of 7/5/2009 - 7/11/2009:



Download mp3 on UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

Referencing all the dead Famous People - Billy Mays, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Ed McMahon, Jack Malden and of course, Jeff Goldblum.

Can't wait to be be haunted!

Oh, and all you other rappers, STOP MAKING "D.O.A." FREESTYLES. IT'S OVER. The winners are Jay-Z, Royce da 5'9", and me. WHAT.

Digg this

Friday, July 10, 2009

Seth Galifianakis Interview

0 comments


Before Zach Galifianakis was famous for The Hangover...his brother Seth was famous, for youth minister chili cook-offs, Funyuns and The Fugees.

Still gotta see The Hangover, and Bruno, and a psychologist. THE GOBLINS ARE TELLING ME TO BURN DOWN THE MOON.
Digg this

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Things That Are Happening NOW - 7/9/2009

0 comments

- Sarah Palin has resigned as Governor of Alaska, so she can spend more time shooting moose from her plane, staring at Russia and coming up with a sentence that doesn't end in "also." Also.

- Corey Feldman dressed up as Michael Jackson at Michael Jackson's memorial. But no matter how much he said "Trick or Treat," no one gave him candy.

- The Bruno movie will turn everyone gay, which is hilarious.

- Another writer has been recruited to pen Spiderman 4. I'm guessing the movie will have eighteen villains, and 70 minutes of Peter and Mary Jane crying.

- There's going to be a MacGruber movie. WILL THERE NEVER BE A SPARTAN CHEERLEADERS MOVIE?

- Wu-Tang's Inspectah Deck has released a Joe Budden diss, because Joe Budden dissed Method Man. Rappers get along slightly better than Sunnis and Shiites.

- Nas made an album with the son of Bob Marley. In other news, Bino White is doing an album with the son of Michael Bolton. (It's called Sadness.)

- Bill O'Reilly steps up his campaign for God Emperor of the Douchebags. Time will tell if he can beat Billy Bob Thornton and Shia LeBouf.

- Resident Evil 5 on Wii is possible, if they change the blood to sweat, and the zombies to bunnies, that get killed with hugs.
Digg this
 

Copyright 2009