Friday, January 30, 2009

Rambo To Continue Murdering People, For America



Sylvester Stallone has given us many things - Rocky, Rambo, Frank Stallone. His movies have taught us that he is the law, that arm wrestling can't solve all of your problems, and that sometimes you should pause, because his mother might overreact.

And does Sylvester Stallone stop giving? No. Because he is a Great American. In 2006, he gave us Rocky Balboa. In 2007, he gave us nothing at all, so that when he did give us something, we would appreciate it more. In 2008, he gave us Rambo. Yeah, the film celebrated the same violence it tried to condemn. But also, PEOPLE BLEW UP AND SHIT. I am proud to have seen this movie in the theater, and to spend my weekends going door to door, telling people to see it.

What does the future hold for Sylvester Stallone? Glorious, glorious things.

Kambakkht Ishq (2009)
- a cameo as himself in a Bollywood movie about an "Indian stuntman who takes Hollywood by storm but cannot find true love." OH LORD WE DO NOT DESERVE YOUR GIFTS.

The Expendables (2010) - "A team of mercenaries head to South America on a mission to overthrow a dictator." And who are these mercenaries? Mickey Rourke, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Ben Kingsley, Forest Whitaker and Dolph Lundgren. WE ARE UNWORTHY LORD BUT O WE SHALL DRINK OF THEE.

And here is where we get to the greatest project of all - there will be a Rambo V.

Stallone broke the news to "Extra" about the latest Rambo film, saying, "Yeah, we are doing another 'Rambo,' but the conflict is whether to do it in America or a foreign country."

This has been previously reported, and is on IMDb and Wikipedia, but when it is on a Web site with Mario Lopez' grinning head, it is official.

PRAY TO SYLVESTER STALLONE EVERY NIGHT.
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