Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Nintendo Releasing New Model of DS; Nation Still Waiting for New Model of Virtual Boy



Nintendo, the company that is saving America through waggling, has released details for their model of the DS: the DSi. (Soon all new forms of technology will look like symbols for periodic elements). What is on this DSi? PC World lists five reasons why it totally rocks, yo:

1. You can adjust the pitch and tune of your favorite songs, which these days have already had their pitch and tune adjusted, processed, re-adjusted, re-processed, and then put through AutoTune. And there is something called 8-Bit Tunes, where you can make any song sound like an NES Game (or the beat to the latest pop-rap song about "the club").

2. You can take photos and stretch out the faces like you did to Mario's on Super Mario 64, or like God does to us before we are born. Also, you can merge two photos together, so you can create the fantasy children of you and that girl who never pokes you back on Facebook.

3. You can download games, such as "Decode," which PC World blasphemously calls "the best math game ever." FUCK YOU, PC WORLD. NUMBER MUNCHERS 4EVA.

4. The design. I'd hit it.

5. It has a "dedicated memory slot," so you can store your movies, music, games, regrets and shattered dreams.

This looks pretty cool and all, but I think I'm going to stick with my Game Gear. Yeah, it takes 16 AA batteries, and you have to hold it directly under the sun to see anything, but it works. IT WORKS.
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