Saturday, February 21, 2009

Pour Out Some Melanin For Conan O'Brien

Did you feel a chill go through your body last night? Like a million Masturbating Bears, Horny Manatees and naked Andy Richters died at once? If so, then you know through your powers that the last episode of Late Night with Conan O'Brien aired. If not, then I'm sorry. You are not the Kwisatz Haderach.

So, where is Conan going? He will be hosting The Tonight Show starting June 1st, as part of NBC's plan to piss off old people. And Jay Leno will be getting his own show during "Prime Time," as part of NBC's plan to make it up to old people after pissing them off. CHANGE IS BAD AND SHOULD BE FEARED.

Meanwhile, Jimmy Fallon, star of Taxi and your girlfriend's fantasies, will take over as the new host of Late Night March 1st. He was chosen after Lorne Michaels spinned a giant wheel of SNL alum. A click to the right and the host could have been Chris Kattan. A click to the left, Nora Dunn.

Anyway, Late Night with Conan O'Brien gave us many things: Staring Contests. Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. Clive Clemmon's Inappropriate Response Channel. The Stringdance. The Chuck Norris Button. Old Timey Baseball. Visits to Finland and Amsterdam. Joel. Max. Andy. Abe Vigoda. Norm MacDonald Interviews. But most importantly, Conan gave inspiration to other awkward, crazy-haired pasty people who at first glance seem to have no business in front of a camera. In a way, he was the Jackie Robinson of albinos.

So, until The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien premieres and all the angry old people unplug their IV's, let us mourn.
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