Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Senate Approves Plan to Stimulate Nation, But Never to Titillate It

After conversing with Barry Bonds, President Obama decided the best way to Save America is to inject it with the sweetness: 820 billion dollars. If this was 1999, you'd read that in a Dr. Evil voice, but this isn't 1999. It's 2009, and you're stuck with a Love Guru voice. EVERYTHING SUCKS EVERYWHERE.

So, what is this $820 billion going to? Mostly saving America. And funding Transformers sequels. The point is, it's going to fill holes, blah blah blah supply and demand blah blah blah Adam Smith. You don't need to understand it. Just let Barry take care of the work and cook him a nice meal for when he gets home.

Republicans are against the bill for several reasons, primarily because they are Republicans. Spending billions of dollars on projects is wrong, very wrong, unless George W. Bush does it. Also, they say there should be more tax cuts, but in the Senate they have trimmed the bill to give tax cuts to 87% of American families instead of Obama's intended 95%. My brain hurts.

Anyway, Republican and last known living descendant of Jesus Gov. Charlie Crist approves it, and that's all that matters.

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