Monday, February 16, 2009

Things That Are Happening NOW - 2/16/2009



- Kanye West is making the best hip hop beats ever, according to Kanye West. Who'd have thought?

- Chris Brown will be replacing Ike Turner in all aggressive hip-hop similes. So, if you rap, and want to describe how well you can beat someone, say "like Chris beat Rihanna." Do not say "like Ike beat Tina." Everyone will think you are "old" (which in hip-hop is over the age of 25).

- Hillary Clinton is on a world tour, but only playing songs off of her obscure experimental albums.

- The Oscars are keeping their presenters a secret, so you can be delightfully surprised when you skim the results the next day.

- Michael Phelps will not be charged for being cool.

- Nintendo is saving America, through exercise equipment you use for two months and forget about, and waggling.

- Raekwon's Only Built For Cuban Linx II, which he has been promising since the Cenozoic Era, might actually come out. And if it sounds like Wu Oooh, it will be great. This makes me happy, since at this point Wu-Tang CD's are only being bought by friends and family.

- Royce Da 5'9" releases a Twilight Zone-themed video for his grisly storytelling track "Part of Me." BUT WHERE'S THE CLUB? WHERE'S THE RINGTONE? ARGGHH I DON'T KNOW WHEN TO SHAKE MY ASS

- President's Day is honored, somehow. By drinking?
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