5. The Rocketeer (1991)
Because he's a superhero. Isn't that enough? I mean, they remade The Hulk after five years. And now The Fantastic Four is going to be remade after two years. At this rate, there will be a remake of Watchmen next year, two remakes of Spiderman the year after that, and then remakes of movies will come out before the originals, inverting the space-time continuum and leading to the destruction of the universe. Therefore, remaking The Rocketeer will save the world. (WHAT UP, JENNIFER CONNELLY'S EYEBROWS!)
4. Carnosaur (1993)
Because it's Jurassic Park minus the majesty, and plus the glorious, glorious gore. We've reached a point as a society where we are no longer awed by special effects, we don't care about science and we love torture porn with all of our hearts. Bring on a dinosaur running around killing people. At this point, we've seen enough vaguely retarded middle-aged men in masks (except for Jason Voorhees, who is my Hero.)
3. Super Mario Bros. (1993)
Because everyone loves Mario, and some talented, handsome rappers even make songs about him. But this should not be live action. Mario in the real world is depressing, and the 1993 film is more about the year 1993 than Mario. This should be done through CGI, in the vein of recent cinematics in the games, while utilizing the huge Mario cast (Wario, Rosalina, Shyguys, etc). Every year we get forty CGI movies about talking animals voiced by random celebrities. Let's have a CGI movie about the Mario characters, voiced by the video game cast, and get Charles Martinet his Oscar.
2. Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004)
Because this movie did some things right, but not enough, and sometimes that's worse than doing everything wrong. The make-up, art direction and cast was pretty good, mostly, but the tone wasn't as dark, the humor wasn't as clever and the story awkwardly smashes the plots of three books together. Also, it was somehow not directed by Tim Burton or Terry Gilliam. This book series deserves a movie that's "awesome," not "um...okay."
1. The Golden Compass (2007)
Because I'm 200 pages into the book and love it, but keep hearing the movie is bad. WHAT THE HELL. I mean, is it really bad? The poster looks like it gets it right. Great. Now while I finishing reading this awesome book, there's the cloud of a mediocre movie hanging over me. Hurry up with the remake, Hollywood.
And remember when The Golden Compass came out, and the news was filled with people who hadn't read the book or seen the movie complaining about the book and the movie? That sucked. And what sucked even more was that, according to Wikipedia, the movie's story was diluted and censored in anticipation of the Outragers.
Well, now we know that the Outragers will complain about everything as long as they can make money while doing so. So let's have a remake of The Golden Compass every year, forever. Alethiometers, Dust and armored bears for the win.