Monday, March 9, 2009

Obama Adminstration Supports Science, And The Devil

R&B heartthrob and American President Barack "Dude Love" Obama signed some important legislation today. (Just like you, he's trying to look busy so he isn't laid off.) What kind of important legislation? Well, he's overturning many of President Bush's policies toward science - which were mainly to fear it, throw rocks at it and hide until it disappeared.

Specifically, Obama abolished Bush's restrictions on stem cell research, which Bush supporters call "baby murder festivals." (Because embryos are alive, and if you tickle them, they'll grant you wishes.) As a result of this order, hundreds of hot, sexy stem cell lines are available for scientists to research, bringing us one step closer to curing baldness. And also cancer, Parkinson's disease, diabetes and paralysis. But mostly baldness. (WHAT UP, LARRY DAVID!)

Of course, not everyone agrees with the President. On one hand, yes, it would be nice to find cures for terrible diseases through embryonic stem cell research. On the other hand, embryos are magic pixies, and scientists secretly want to a create a Hippie Clone Army and take over the world. Do you want to be forced to do carbon dating by clones of JFK and Che Guevara? I didn't think so.

It is likely that Obama will support this "science" in other ways, like by passing laws that don't destroy the environment. God help us.



P.S. Not familiar with stem cells? Then watch this educational video.

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