Friday, March 20, 2009
We're at a bad time in America. The economy's in the toilet, your friends are being laid off, and AIG executives can only afford to give each other bonuses on Tuesdays. It's enough heartache to make you want to sing in Autotune, and if you're like me, you've already killed yourself and are blogging as a ghost. (WHAT UP, NEARLY HEADLESS NICK!)
So President Barack "Dude Love" Obama has decided to address the nation. But how? Appearing on TV in the afternoon? That would preempt Oprah, and those who preempt Oprah do not live. Appearing on TV at night? That would preempt America's favorite shows, like Supermodel Doctors, Fat Guys With Hot Wives, and Socialites Texting. This leaves no other option than The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, the Greatest Talk Show of All Time, according to your dad.
Being a FunnyMan Wizard Level 7, Jay led Barry through a pretty entertaining interview. The President discussed the issues thoughtfully, Jay threw in some "yuks", Kevin Eubanks laughed, and somewhere, Branford Marsalis cried a single tear. But then something terrible happened, something you should be very upset about - especially if you already don't like Obama and are looking for reasons. (Did you hear he's an Uppity Smug Black Naive Muslim Elitist Socialist Communist Terrorist who reads from a Teleprompter?)
You see, during the Presidential Campaign, Barack tried to connect with the Everyday American Public by bowling. (Because if you don't bowl, you're Mexican.) Unfortunately, he did not bowl very well, and in his attempt to riff on this on The Tonight Show, he compared his skills to athletes with disabilities: "It's like the Special Olympics or something."
It was an unfortunate comment, since no one in real life or on the Web has ever made casual use of the word 'retarded.' So Obama apologized, and the Special Olympics King accepted his apology, and The Outragers will be flooding television, newspapers and the Internet with stories about this for the next six months.
The moral of the story? Obama should have just addressed the Nation through Twitter.
Obama on Leno