Things That Are Happening NOW - 3-31-2009

- Obama is going to save the auto industry, by making sure every new car comes with a Snuggie.

- Al Franken will join Minnesota's long list of respected politicians, including Jessie "The Body" Ventura, Gimli the Dwarf and Torgo.

- If you own a PC and turn it on tomorrow, it will blow up your house. But didn't you kind of sign up for that when you bought a PC? I searched my Mac to see what a "virus" was, and it laughed at me.

- Frito-Lay has recalled its salted pistachios. Yet Bacon Egg N' Cheese Combos are still in abundance.

- You know how older women collect Precious Moments figurines? Madonna does that too. But with babies.

- Guru can exist on his own, thank you very much. I guess he's not DJ Premier's daemon. (WHAT UP, PHILLIP PULLMAN!)

- MTV remembers the "M" stands for "Music," not "Mundane-socialites-texting."

- Ice Cube will play a cop in a movie. Is it about Rick Ross?

- There will be a new Zelda game this year for the Nintendo DS: Spirit Tracks, where Link travels around the world on a train to tell people he's not gay.