Monday, March 2, 2009

Things That Are Happening NOW - 3/2/2009


- Scientists agree: Jet-skiing is more harmful to your reputation than beating women.

- Obama nominates Abortiana B. Abortionsen to be America's new Queen of Abortion, for Abortions. ABORTION ABORTION ABORTION.

- The Dow Jones drops below 7,000, which is good news for me, because I have no idea what that means.

- John McCain thinks he's still running for President. (Humor him.)

- The Terminator Salvation trailer is online, you fucking prick. You amateur. We are done professionally.

- Rod Blagojevich to write book: Portrait of a Douchebag.

- Crooked I may have been shot, which is sad. Haven't we gotten to a point where all disputes can be settled through Wii Boxing?

- Nintendo announces Wii Breakfast, and it looks awesome.

- The Republican Party debates whether their leader should be 50-Year-Old Steve Urkel or a Giant Thumb.

- Dr. Seuss' birthday occurs. So celebrate by eating spoiled ham, jumping on your father and letting cats destroy your house.
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1 Response to "Things That Are Happening NOW - 3/2/2009"
  1. Anonymous said...
    March 2, 2009 at 5:53 PM

    Wii fights would make the world a better place.

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