Saturday, March 28, 2009
Hardcore Bino White fans - or as I like to call them, Whiteheads - may have noticed that I did not write about last week's Lost episode. This is because I was in Los Angeles, throwing my screenplay over the front gates of Hollywood producers' houses. (It's called Help! My Dad Is An Ostrich!) While this did not keep me from viewing the episode in question, it did keep me from posting about it. Maybe in the future I'll view it again and write something. (Start gathering signatures on your online petition now.)
As for this week's episode, it was Old School. The story centered around a single character - Sayid - and used a variety of flashbacks to explain him. The only way to make this episode more Old School would be to include Desmond saying "brother," Michael saying "They took my son!" and any scenes with Incest Twins or Arzt.
OH GOD. ARZT! WHY DID WE NEVER GET A FULL EPISODE ABOUT ARZT? WHY ARE WE DENIED THAT WHICH WE CRAVE THE MOST? IS THERE NO GOD? IS THERE NO KIND, MERCIFUL GOD????!!!!
Let's take a look at what happened on this week's episode:
- Lil' Sayid kills a chicken. Adorable! You know he was the type of kid to smash robin eggs, strap firecrackers to frogs and pull the legs off a spider just to laugh at its spider face.
- You know, if things had gone just a little differently, Ben Linus would have been an excellent waiter.
- Man, nothing tears me up like when you kill all these people for your homey, and then there's no more people to kill, and your homey's like "Later," but you don't want to be like "Later," because you want to kill people still. You know? It's sad.
- All these Sawyer-Kate-Jack-Juliet love triangles could be cleared up by two simple words: Key Party.
- And Ben Linus becomes the 800,000th character on Lost to have daddy issues. Congratulations! You win a lifetime of crippling emotional baggage.
- Ben visits Sayid during his Jimmy Carter Phase. Don't you understand, Ben? Sayid's job was killing, but his passion is roofing.
- Please, Sayid, talk! You do not want to face Oldham. Trust me, you do NOT want to face Oldham. He's our you! Except instead of brutally torturing people, he ties them to a tree and gets them high. Wait, what?
- If Sayid is a superhero, then poon is his kryptonite.
- The Dharma Initiative operates like a democracy, and like most democracies, they vote for whatever the pretty woman holding a baby says.
- Attack of the Flaming Bus! Lil' Ben Linus reminds me of Corey Feldman in Friday the 13th Part 4: The Final Chapter. So this episode will end with him shaving his head and stabbing Sayid in the brain.
- Or not. Turns out it ends with Sayid shooting Lil' Ben and saying "I am a killer." The music people missed a great opportunity to cue Snoop Doggy Dogg's "Serial Killa" or the Geto Boys' "Still." Oh well. There's always next week.