Wednesday, April 1, 2009
4/01/2009 Posted by Joe
- Hey, honey, can we talk for a minute? There's something I've been wanting to say. Hold on. (takes deep breath) I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. APRIL FOOLS! I'm just killing time until I find someone better.
- Alright, have a seat. Thank you so much for coming down to our offices! Let's cut to the chase: We think you're perfectly qualified, and would like to offer you a salary position, with full benefits. APRIL FOOLS! We think your resume is ridiculous. And we forgot what poor people looked like. (snaps picture) Now we'll always remember.
- We're so proud of you. Your mother and I, we're proud of everything you've accomplished, and the person you've turned out to be. APRIL FOOLS! We think you're a freak. And we tell people you died in a car accident.
- Great news! Because of this experimental new drug treatment, your illness has completely receded, and you will live a long and healthy life. APRIL FOOLS! It's terminal. You'll be dead by Friday.
- Congratulations! All the bad things you did in your life are outweighed by the good, and you will spend eternity in the Kingdom of Heaven. APRIL FOOLS! You're going to Hell. Forever. Goodbye.