Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Things That Are Happening NOW - 5/20/2009

- The missing link has been found! And no, it isn't Susan Boyle. In fact, it looks like Gollum. But we're getting off track - it's the Missing Link, people! Scientists, take a shot. Creationists, keep running around in circles, with your ears plugged, singing DC Talk.

- The LA Times has a primer on torture policies in the Obama Administration. Basically, waterboarding is too harsh, so we're going to change it from simulating drowning to simulating treading water.

- Quentin Tarantino's new film, Inglorious Basterds, is "the talk of Cannes." Because while there have been movies about World War II, there's never been one with so many shots of women's feet.

- Eminem has released his new album, Relapse, which is about pills, murder and Christopher Reeves. Because he was paralyzed, you guys! Ho, ho!

- Method Man & Redman have released their new album, BlackOut! 2, which is about smoking weed, smoking weed and smoking weed. Actually, it's pretty good, which means no one will buy it. (They should've made a song about Christopher Reeves.)

- Reason #98723 I will never read/watch The Twilight Saga: The New Moon poster. Is it even possible to get into that stuff without a vagina?

- Upset about his ranking on Vibe Magazine's Greatest Rapper Ever brackets, Joe Budden disses Melle Mel, Method Man and a host of other people who were not responsible for making the brackets. Seems unnecessary, since any Greatest Rapper List without Bino White is officially irrelevant.

- The sequel to Boom Blox, Boom Blox Bash Party, has been released, and - wait. This is out already? TODAY?! Fuck this blog entry, I'm out. (What up, Gamestop!)
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