Things That Are Happening NOW - 5/5/2009

- Cinco de Mayo. For those not informed, it's a Mexican holiday, where you go to Taco Bell, and throw beads at kids, if they show you their boobs. Also, maracas.

- The Republican Party is plotting a comeback. Here's an idea: BE LESS EVIL.

- Dom Deluise is dead. You might remember Chris Farley playing him on Saturday Night Live. Chris Farley's dead, too. Everybody's dead. Dead, dead, dead. Jesus.

- Microsoft is hitting Control-Alt-Delete on 3,000 people. I hope they get to keep their company Zunes. Nothing's more radical than a Zune!

- De La Soul made an album with Nike designed to listen to as you're running. I'm going to stick with Rick Ross' album designed to listen to as you eat cake.

- 50 Cent is putting in some extra work on his new album, which will explain all the questions left unanswered on his previous album: Is he still a pimp? Will he still kill you? Do women still look sexy, when they dance, in the club? Time will tell.

- The Boston Globe argues that Eminem's time has passed. Because when a rapper's time has passed, he's featured in two-page articles in The Boston Globe.

- NBC has decided who will live and who will die, while stroking a Persian cat, and drinking the blood of its enemies.

- Terminator Salvation II: More Salvation will be about magical stem cells. And it will probably contradict the old Terminators, but whatever. SO LONG AS THERE ARE EXPLOSIONS.

- Billy Eliot leads in Tony nominations, including "Gayest Screengrab."