Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Minnesota Only Electing Wrestlers And Comedians

It's official: Al Franken is Minnesota's new Senator, and Norm Coleman will have to go back to his mansion to bone his hot wife. (How depressing.)

As someone who grew up in Minnesota, I couldn't be more proud. See, we're wild. We eat codfish soaked in lye. We throw sugar on flatbread and call it a treat. We have a football team that will win every game in a season, and then blow it in the playoffs, just to screw with you. We elected a pro wrestler as our Governor. And now, yeah, a comedian is our Senator. DEAL WITH IT.

For those of you that treat politics like sports, these are your orders: Republicans, shake your heads in disgust, and denigrate Al Franken by calling him "Stuart Smalley." Democrats, keep smoking weed and saying "Yeah...yeah, we did it, man." And Ron Paul Fans, keep saving money for that new Ron Paul Blimp, that can take you to the moon, where you can have Ron Paul Festivals every day. RELOVETION. Or whatever.

Honestly, though, is it that crazy to elect someone who was on Saturday Night Live? We live in a country that thinks cigarettes are more healthy than marijuana and gays can't fight in the military (or get married). Bring on a Senator Chris Kattan or a Supreme Court Justice Cheri Oteri. I'm down.
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