Friday, June 5, 2009

Movies You Can See Instead Of Talking To Your Loved Ones - 6/5/2009

Land of the Lost

Based on a TV show you can't remember if you've seen, this movie is about a scientist who travels through time to an alternate universe. Shockingly, J.J. Abrams is not involved. In this alternate universe, dinosaurs roam the Earth, Sleestaks plot to kill you and Fox did not cancel Arrested Development. Sounds awesome! Also, this movie stars obscure SNL veteran "Will Ferrell." It's nice to see him getting some work.

Rotten Tomatoes - 26%

The Hangover

From the director of Old School - and other things, probably - comes this story of three buddies that go to Las Vegas to throw their friend a blow-out bachelor party. I don't know they'd go to Las Vegas when they could go to Fosston, but whatever. The point is, things go awry, and there are great people like Ed Helms, Jeffrey Tambor and Zach Griffnaliks -. Griffanlokis -. Grff-. G. It stars Zach G.

Rotten Tomatoes - 77%


Pixar continues its streak of excellent movies driven by story, rather than special effects, 'splosions and Shia LeBouf. This one tells the tale of a crotchety old man who ties balloons to his house and takes off for the heavens. Or Florida. Or Fosston. Actually, South America. (Fosston is for the sequel, Up 2: Polk County.) On the way, the old man is accompanied by a chubby, overeager Asian boy, who probably has a 9999 score on MarioKart Wii. I HATE THOSE PEOPLE. Not Asians, people with 9999 scores on MarioKart. Anyway, if you don't like this movie, you don't like life.

Rotten Tomatoes - 98%

Terminator: Salvation

This is the fourth movie in the Terminator franchise, and the long-awaited companion film to Christian Bale Yells Like A Douchebag. From what I understand, the War that they averted in Terminator 2 was actually not averted, because special effects have gotten better and that War would look really cool now, yo! And it probably does. But for every Terminator movie you see, they'll make three more, so make sure you've thought this through.

Rotten Tomatoes - 33%

Star Trek

The venerable science fiction franchise is re-imagined, with a younger cast, better special effects and time travel. Not shockingly, J.J. Abrams is involved. As the director! (If you isolate every third frame, and lay them out like a grid, you can see the answer to all of the secrets on Lost.) Having been familiar with Star Trek through The Simpsons, Family Guy and Futurama - but not any actual Star Trek show - I enjoyed this movie. But if you're a Trekkie Trekker Trikka, you may be stricken with Nerd Rage. MESSAGE BOARDS, AHOY! PHASERS ON KILL! BEAM ME DOWN! STAR TREK REFERENCE!

Rotten Tomatoes - 95%
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