Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Things That Are Happening NOW - 6/17/2009

- Iran held their national elections, and once again, Ralph Nader ruined everything. Also, the Iranian revolution may or may not be happen through Twitter. RT OMG LOLZ tinyurl.bit.jdk/ak3903idml

- Obama is giving the Gays some marriage rights, but not too much, because that would make Straight People feel uncomfortable. Every time two dudes get married, a straight couple throws up, during sex.

- The Republicans have decided the key to a comeback is to get a comedy legend fired. Thankfully, this creates good material for said comedy legend. Also, I HAD SEX WITH SARAH PALIN'S 14-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER. We're going to name our kids Hammer & Ikea.

- Deluxe editions of Friday the 13th 4-8 have been released, with actual extras besides "Interactive Menus." So, if you love Friday the 13th, or buying the same movies over and over again, this is your lucky day.

- Speaking of horror, Shia LeBouf confirms that Steven Spielberg is working on Indiana Jones V. Thrill, as interdimensional beings throw bombs while Indy hides in a fridge and Mutt Williams plays CGI prairie dogs. (I wouldn't so bitter if George Lucas didn't shoot me down for the part of Mutt Williams in 2006.)

- Darren Aronofsky - CUT - is working on a new film - CUT, ZOOM IN - with Natalie Portman - CUT, ZOOM IN, ZOOM IN - as a ballerina. CUT, CUT, CUT, ZOOM IN, CUT, CUT.

- Hip hop supergroup - and boy band - SlaughterHouse does their thing over Jay-Z's D.O.A. beat. Joe Budden takes some pretty obvious shots at Method Man, because he doesn't Wu-Tang Fans to buy the SlaughterHouse Album. (Wu-Tang Fans use Wu-Dollars as currency. RZA's on the hundred, Method Man's on the fifty, and U-God's on the nickel.)

- Actually, U-God's album, Dopium, just leaked to the Web, and it's nice. "This U-God album is U-Good!" Feel free to put that on the print advertisements, U-God's people.
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