Tuesday, June 2, 2009
- The American people love Sonia Sotomayor, and choose her to be their American Idol. SUCK IT, SUSAN BOYLE.
- A man has been charged with the murder of the abortion doctor in Kansas. Is there anything to do in Kansas besides protest abortion? Everyone send them some Game Boys.
- Conan O'Brien has taken over The Tonight Show, angering millions of grumpy old people. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFERENT ARE BAD AND SHOULD BE FEARED.
- Nintendo is releasing two new Mario games for Wii! Super Mario Galaxy 2 and New Super Mario Bros. THIS IS LIKE JESUS COMING BACK. I cannot wait to save Princess Peach, and stare at Rosalina. Oh, Rosalina. Sweet Rosalina. You're my Lolita that's all grown up.
- Nancy Reagan has come back to the White House, to show the Obamas all the different places where she and Ronald boned. Though it would take less time to show them the places where they didn't bone.
- Shocker: The stunt on the MTV Movie Awards where the guy with a movie coming out landing on the guy with a new album out was staged. Who would've thought?
- The Black Eyed Peas are teaming up with Target, to annoy you forever. I DO NOT WANT TO GET THAT BOOM BOOM BOOM.
- Little Wayne and T-Pain are recording an album together called "T-Wayne." I'm still waiting for "KISS Kross," the album between Kriss Kross and KISS.
- Bino White has officially moved to Los Angeles, to get rich and famous. Start betting now on when he will move back to Chicago sad and broke.