Thursday, June 25, 2009

Things That Are Happening NOW - 6/25/2009

- Michael Jackson is dead, at the age of 50. He will be remembered for his music, and for never having done anything weird.

- Farrah Fawcett is dead, at the age of 62. She will be remembered for her TV shows and movies, and for inspiring women everywhere to pose in trios, while pretending to hold guns.

- Ed McMahon is dead, at the age of 86. He will be remembered for his work on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, and EVERYONE FAMOUS IS DYING. I guess this means I will live forever. WILL NO ONE GIVE ME A SHOW BASED ON MY TALENT REEL?!

- Don't book Iran for your honeymoon just yet.

- Transformers 2 has made roughly $40 billion dollars, so Michael Bay will finally be able to buy his third island. Who says there's a recession?

- 50 Cent claims his new album is "near perfect." Never before will you have heard such amazing songs about money, killing people and what women look like when they dance in the club. (They look good, yo.)

- Perez Hilton is suing the manager of The Black Eyed Peas for punching him. Because if you have a problem with someone, you don't punch them. You scribble unfunny things on their pictures, with Microsoft Paint.

- Next year's Oscars will increase the number of Best Picture nominees from five films you've never heard of to ten films you've never heard of. Hooray!

- Shia LaBeouf graduates from being a Level 4 Douchebag to a Level 5 Douchebag. Congrats! You and Billy Bob Thornton will make it into the inevitable sequel to "You're a Douchebag."
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