Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Things That Are Happening NOW - 7/1/2009



- Fox & Friends brought in children - I mean "pint-sized pundits" - to debate the issues. I think my soul just died.

- With Al Franken beating Norm Coleman, the Democrats officially have a filibuster-proof majority. Now they can pass their non-binding resolutions with confidence! And maybe, if there's time, middling compromises.

- Obama's trying to reform our health care system, so we can be more like, oh I don't know, EVERY OTHER CIVILIZED COUNTRY IN THE WORLD. But Fox News says Universal Health Care will turn you gay, so I'm against it.

- After much speculation, hip hop sensation Drake has signed with Little Wayne's Young Money Records. In other news, Bino White has signed with Interscope Records, in a fantasy induced by drinking too much Icehouse.

- Mariah Carey accuses Eminem of being obsessed with her by dressing up as Eminem for a video, but some people think she's not dressing up as Eminem because she has a goatee, and - oh, just kill me now. I just want to know what happened to Kriss Kross and Tag Team. Someone report that news.

- Karl Malden is dead, at the age of 97. He will be remembered for his work in A Streetcar Named Desire and On the Waterfront. If you're not familiar with either of those movies, don't worry: One day they will be remade by Michael Bay, and star Shia LeBouf.

- IGN reports that the Koopa Kids are back for New Super Mario Bros Wii. We're one step closer to finding out who Bowser's wife is, a question eloquently raised by Bino White in "King of Nintendo."

- Also,, IGN compiled a list of the best 25 games for Nintendo Wii, and I'm proud to own most of them. Will buy the remaining few when I have a source of income besides trying to make money out of my tears.
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