Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Things That Are Happening NOW - 8/12/2009

- Tonight is your last night to see the Perseid meteor shower. IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT WILL FILL THE HOLE OF HAVING NO GIRLFRIEND. Props to the planet Saturn for lighting up the sky, though. Nice to see you finally doing something, jerk.

- U.S. Town Hall meetings about health care are slightly more civil than cavemen beating each other to death with sticks. Honestly, none of us should have health care. Let's call it quits on the human race and give the world to the cockroaches. They're more civil.

- Who will replace Paula Abdul on American Idol? Oh, I don't know. How about a goblin?

- Heidi Montag's body is pretty much all plastic. I guess her goal is to look an evil tangerine lizard witch? Oh, and she still can't sing, or act, or do anything, but consistently makes front page news. The human race really doesn't deserve to continue, you guys. Cockroaches. Cockroaches for the win.

- John Hughes is dead, at 59. I bet when he reached the Gates of Heaven, St. Peter slapped both cheeks and went "Ahhhhhhhhhh!" (Sorry Sixteen Candles, Home Alone is my go-to John Hughes reference.)

- Rap group Slaughterhouse has released their first album, and is planning their second. But if they really want success, they should follow the footsteps of the Black Eyed Peas: 1) Add a white girl 2) MAKE THE WORST MUSIC EVER.

- Raekwon's entourage jumped Joe Budden while he was live blogging at Rock The Bells. Honestly, Raekwon's entourage should jump EVERYONE THAT IS LIVE BLOGGING. It makes God smile.

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