Thursday, October 8, 2009

Things That Are Happening NOW - 10/8/2009

- The New York Daily News says David Letterman has a "secret bedroom" above the Ed Sullivan theater. Hey New York Daily News, why don't you report about the "secret bedroom" above the basement at Smash Cuts? We use it for sex every Sunday - the cast, the crew, random street people. It's an orgy of pain and delight (but mostly pain).

- Barack Obama is going to pass universal health care through magical slam dunks.

- Anti-gay violence will now be labeled a "hate crime," instead of "what Republicans do for fun."

- We're finally declaring war on the moon. So suck it, moon! The sun and the stars are the best. You're just a fake-ass planet, anyway. Go run somewhere and be gay with Pluto. (I may have just committed a hate crime.)

- N.E.R.D. has added a female member to their group. Her name is "Not Fergie."

- Shyne may be released from prison after ten years. That seems like a long time, but keep in mind, impersonating Biggie is a felony.

- Method Man has been busted for tax evasion. But he has yet to be busted for sewing your asshole closed and just feeding you, and feeding you, and feeding you...

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