Thursday, August 27, 2009

Week 45: Rap Superheroes (ft. Da Kippa)

0 comments
For the week of 8/23/2009 - 8/30/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

We catch the villain, save the world and get the girl. How could you not like us? Unless you're jealous. Please don't be jealous. Or we won't save you. We'll just let you die.

Da Kippa makes a guest appearance! He is one of the other cast members of CBS/The CW's Smash Cuts, which we are filming now. I'm going to work in all the other cast members before I end Bino White Weekly on Week 54.

Check out Da Kippa's other raps at:

www.myspace.com/dakippa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FI5gBWcSZCk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zclB1oj_IPA

Digg this

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Wu-Tang Cartoons Ain't Nuthin Ta F' Wit

0 comments


This is a pretty ridiculous video for "House Of Flying Daggers." It will be on Raekwon's Only Built For Cuban Linx 2, which was promised to us back in 1943.

The song features Inspectah Deck, GZA, Ghostface Killah and Method Man, who delivers a verse strong enough to make Joe Budden eat his Webcam. There is also a short intro from The RZA, who is now pretty much a full time Marble Mouth Philosopher. J Dilla produced the beat, and somewhere up in Heaven/Narnia, he is drinking 40's with Ol' Dirty Bastard and John Hughes.

ON SEPTEMBER 8, BUY CUBAN LINX 2 INSTEAD OF FOOD.
Digg this

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Week 44: Too Soon Part 2

0 comments
For the week of 8/16/2009 - 8/22/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

Some rhymes about Robert Novak, health care and White Chicks 2. Hey, it's the end of the week. Give me a break. I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME A BREAK.

Digg this

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Movies You Can See Instead Of Talking To Your Loved Ones - 8/19/2009

0 comments

District 9


For years, South Africa has been a safe haven for sadness. In this movie, it's also a safe haven for extraterrestrial refugees. This means we will see the wacky hijinks of E.T., Chtulhu, The Predator, ALF and Jar Jar Binks. But in the trailer, we just see a vague creature with its face blurred - possibly because its face looks like boobs? I'm guessing it was an alien, because it wasn't speaking English. There really should have been a redneck in the room screaming "SPEAK ENGLISH! IT'S 'MURRICAN! EARTH IS 'MURRICAN!" In the end, they build a fence around the Earth and make the aliens be rich people's maids. What else? Oh, this movie is shot in the style of a documentary, to confuse The Dumb.

Trailer
Rotten Tomatoes - 88%



The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard

So, we're just going to make taglines part of the titles now? Good to know. Hopefully we can make a title so long it takes up the whole marquee, looks like a book, and makes people's heads explode. Anyway, Jeremy Piven plays a cocky, fast-talking car salesman. You might think his character is too similar to Ari Gold, and wonder why Jeremy Piven keeps playing characters like Ari Gold. Well, the answer is, it makes his hair grow back. Remember when Jeremy Piven wasn't playing Ari Gold? He was balding. Then he started playing Ari Gold, and wasn't balding. It's magical. Everyone who is balding, throw away your Propecia and Rogaine and start playing Ari Gold. It totally works.

Trailer
Rotten Tomatoes - 29%



G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

If they make a porn version of this, it will have the same title. I watched the trailer, and this is not really a movie. It's reheated Progresso Nostalgia & Sausage Soup. You guys like GI Joe? This movie has GI Joe references. You guys like the White House being destroyed in Independence Day? Here's the Eiffel Tower being destroyed. You like slow-motion bullet-dodging ballet fights like in The Matrix? Here are some slow-motion bullet-dodging ballet fights. Add a bucket of explosions, a pinch of Marlon Wayans and a teaspoon of some other vaguely familiar people. You might want to order out.

Trailer
Rotten Tomatoes - 38%

Digg this

Friday, August 14, 2009

Week 43: Craigslist Sex Meetup - UPDATED (AGAIN)

0 comments
For the week of 8/9/2009 - 8/15/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

The confessions of a submissive, body suspension artist and Furry. It's time to be traumatized, kids! (This is very different from Weird Al's Craigslist song.)

This completes the storytelling trilogy of love songs that no one cared about. I've been blogging pretty frequently for over half a year, with weekly raps, but still get zero comments on 95% of my posts. Maybe when the TV show I'm on airs in September things will be different? I hope so. Because this is just kind of sad.

UPDATE: YouTube took down my video for "having nudity." Um, okay. You wouldn't want nudity in a video called "Craigslist Sex Meet-Up!" Black bars ahoy.

UPDATE (AGAIN): Bowdlerized version uploaded. Let's hope the craziness ends here. Also, YouTube, what does it take to be featured? A jump-cut Webcam rant? One-man sketches with wigs? I'm been giving you gold for 43 weeks, YouTube. And all I've gotten back is a censorship request.

Digg this

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Things That Are Happening NOW - 8/12/2009

0 comments

- Tonight is your last night to see the Perseid meteor shower. IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT WILL FILL THE HOLE OF HAVING NO GIRLFRIEND. Props to the planet Saturn for lighting up the sky, though. Nice to see you finally doing something, jerk.

- U.S. Town Hall meetings about health care are slightly more civil than cavemen beating each other to death with sticks. Honestly, none of us should have health care. Let's call it quits on the human race and give the world to the cockroaches. They're more civil.

- Who will replace Paula Abdul on American Idol? Oh, I don't know. How about a goblin?

- Heidi Montag's body is pretty much all plastic. I guess her goal is to look an evil tangerine lizard witch? Oh, and she still can't sing, or act, or do anything, but consistently makes front page news. The human race really doesn't deserve to continue, you guys. Cockroaches. Cockroaches for the win.

- John Hughes is dead, at 59. I bet when he reached the Gates of Heaven, St. Peter slapped both cheeks and went "Ahhhhhhhhhh!" (Sorry Sixteen Candles, Home Alone is my go-to John Hughes reference.)

- Rap group Slaughterhouse has released their first album, and is planning their second. But if they really want success, they should follow the footsteps of the Black Eyed Peas: 1) Add a white girl 2) MAKE THE WORST MUSIC EVER.

- Raekwon's entourage jumped Joe Budden while he was live blogging at Rock The Bells. Honestly, Raekwon's entourage should jump EVERYONE THAT IS LIVE BLOGGING. It makes God smile.

Digg this

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Throwback: Joe Gets a Hog (2007)

0 comments


A visit to the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in South Dakota, to learn how to be badass instead of an ass. Shot with the great Hassan S. Ali in the blustery days of 2007.

Updates are going to be less frequent, because I have a new job on a TeeVee show called Smash Cuts. IT IS AWESOME. Hosting! Comedy! Syndicated! I've already bought my Porsche. (Hinty McHintinson)
Digg this

Friday, August 7, 2009

Week 42: Let's Bone

1 comments
For the week of 8/2/2009 - 8/8/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

It's just a suggestion. AND A COMMAND. This is the second of three storytelling songs about love. Since I can count my fanbase on my fingers, I can feel the non-excitement. Oh wells!

Digg this

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Jay-Z To Release "The Blueprint 3: I Took A Break From Boning Beyonce"

0 comments
On September 11th, 2001, something happened that changed the world - the release of Jay-Z's The Blueprint. It was so good that everyone stood mesmerized in front of their TV's, waiting for newscasters to mention how much they liked "J to the Izzo." They even shut down airports, because people were listening to "Girls Girls Girls" and getting too horny. And who can forget George W. Bush's tearful speech about "Hola Hovito"? I know I can't. NEVER FORGET.

Now here we are, eight years later, and Jay-Z is set to release The Blueprint 3. As you can tell from the cover, it will be about a high school band's crowded storage room. And that school isn't doing too well - one of the kids tried to spraypaint an equals sign, and failed miserably. It's a tragedy, mostly produced by Kanye West, who rolls with a posse that is ready to audition for The 5th Element at any moment.

Tracklist:

1. What We Talking About (Produced by Kanye West)
2. D.O.A. (Produced by No I.D.)
3. Weigh Me Down Feat. Kid Cudi (Produced by Kanye West)
4. Unforgiven (Produced by Kanye West, Additional Production: MGMT)
5. Run This Town Feat. Rihanna & Kanye West (Produced by Kanye West)
6. Empire State Of Mind Feat. Nas (Produced by Kanye West & No I.D.)
7. When It Comes To This (Produced by Timbaland)
8. Always Feat. Drake (Produced by Kanye West)
9. Scenes From The Past (Produced by No I.D., Co-produced by Kanye West)
10. Everyday A Star Is Born Feat. Mr. Hudson (Produced by Kanye West)
11. Already Home (Produced by Kanye West)
12. Forever Young Feat. Mr. Hudson (Produced by Kanye West)
13. Thank You (Produced by No I.D.)
14. Sound Of The 70s (Produced by Kanye West)
15. We Made History (Produced by Kanye West)
Digg this

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Hello Shark Week, Goodbye Ladybug Week

0 comments


Just a heads-up: This week is Shark Week on The Discovery Channel. You may celebrate by chiseling your teeth into points, wearing a dorsal fin and tossing chum all over your living room. (If your girlfriend complains, TEAR HER TO PIECES.)

Also, Jaws: The Revenge.
Digg this

Monday, August 3, 2009

Movies You Can See Instead Of Talking To Your Loved Ones - 8/3/2009

0 comments
Funny People

What's funnier than a movie starring Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen? A movie about death. This movie combines the two, in an effort to make you laugh and cry, while your soul crumbles. Adam Sandler plays a dying stand-up comedian/movie star and Seth Rogen plays an aspiring stand-up comedian that is all too eager to be his assistant. Along the way, we meet The RZA, Andy Dick, Jonah Hill, Eminem, Norm MacDonald, Sarah Silverman, Ray Romano and whoever else showed up to the mass text message (want 2 b in fnny ppl?). This movie is great, but make sure you know what you're in for, fratboys. I love that Judd Apatow's wife and kids get bigger parts from movie to movie. His next film will be called My Wife And Kids Are Adorable, and we will line up to see it in droves.

Trailer
Rotten Tomatoes - 67%


The Ugly Truth

Katherine Heigl plays a "romantically challenged morning show producer." Because if anyone has a hard time dating, it's hot successful women. Thankfully, her character gets some advice by Gerard Butler, who plays a douchebag. In the trailer, this advice includes "eating a hot dog slowly." Yeah, girl. Put that pink mealy slab of miscellaneous animal meat in your mouth. Super hot! I'm pretty sure if I told a girl to do that, she'd slap me in the face. But I don't look like Gerard Butler. So, I guess the point of this movie is that if you look like Gerard Butler, you can get a girl like Katherine Heigl, despite douchebaggery. Maybe I'm being too negative. It's just, if we're going to do a "battle of the sexes" movie, let's make it a literal "battle of the sexes" movie, where men go to war with women. I'd see that film, because instead of meeting cute, Gerard Butler and Katherine Heigl would be shooting each other with flamethrowers. EVERYONE WINS.

Trailer
Rotten Tomatoes - 15%

Orphan

A man and woman lose their unborn child, and are too bummed out to ever bone again. Whatever will they do? Adopt a child, of course. But not just any child! An unctuous little girl named Esther, who looks like she's perpetually auditioning for the role of Wednesday Addams. Then strange things begin to happen - very strange, and probably bad, too! I can't tell what they are from this trailer, but they mostly involve screaming, fast cuts and sudden musical cues. Oh, she backs up her mother's car pretty quickly. If that doesn't strike horror into your heart, I'm not sure what will. (Maybe things that actually inspire horror?) Again, maybe I'm being too negative. It's just, this reminds me too much of The Good Son, and I love The Good Son. Macaualay Culkin's legacy must live on! Live on, I say! RENT THE PAGEMASTER, RICHIE RICH AND GETTING EVEN WITH DAD RIGHT NOW.

Trailer
Rotten Tomatoes - 46%

Digg this

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Week 41: Do You Like Me? (Yes, No or Maybe)

0 comments
For the week of 7/26/2009 - 8/1/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

Check one, please. Thanks.

This is the first of three storytelling songs about love. GET READY TO HAVE YOUR MIND BLOWN. Or mildly amused. Either way, you win.

Digg this
 

Copyright 2009