Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Things That Are Happening NOW - 9/29/2009

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- Jon is leaving Jon & Kate Plus 8, so now it will just be called Kate Plus 8. I have never been tempted to watch this show. Let me know when it's A Minotaur Plus 8.

- Sarah Palin is going to be a best-selling author, God help us. Have you ever read a book where every sentence ends in "also"? Get ready. I'm going to wait for the audiobook, by Christopher Walken.

- Britney Spears has released a new single called "3." It either stands for the number of people in a menage a trois, or how old Britney was the last time she was happy.

- New SNL cast member Jenny Slate accidentally said "fuck" on the air. Meanwhile, ex-SNL cast member Ellen Cleghorne says "fuck" every day, because of her life.

- Rap group Slaughterhouse might be signing to Shady Records, which is great news. Royce da 5'9" and Eminem might be friends again! Keep an eye out for friendship bracelets.

- Saigon has released a song called Shoutouts, nearly a month about Bino White and Optimus Crime released a song called Shoutouts. Hey Saigon, STOP RIPPING US OFF. Or we'll be forced to rip you off, and get Turtle to manage us on Entourage.

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Thursday, September 24, 2009

Week 49: Watch Smash Cuts (ft. Julian Smith)

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For the week of 9/20/2009 - 9/26/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

Because if you don't, you won't be cool. (Disclaimer: This video does not necessarily represent the views of CBS, The CW, Renegade 83, Smash Cuts, or any rational human being.)

Julian Smith guest-appears, guest-directs and guest-edits. You may recognize him from his many Interweb hits, such as 25 Things I Hate About Facebook. Right now we are both cast members on the CBS/CW show Smash Cuts, which premieres this Sunday, September 27th. Finally, my dozens of fans will mingle with Julian's millions! (It will be gloriously awkward, like a high school dance.)

To see Julian's other work, visit http://www.youtube.com/juliansmith87 or http://www.juliansmith.tv

Collaborations with previous Smash Cuts friends:

Shoutouts (ft. Optimus Crime)

Rap Superheroes (ft. Da Kippa)

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Drake, Kanye, Little Wayne & Eminem To Be Friends Forever

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Well, I guess this is a pretty good rap supergroup. But the best group ever would be Steve Roll'n from Tag Team, Mack Daddy from Kriss Kross, Yella from N.W.A., and Magoo from Timbaland & Magoo.

Speaking of rap groups, did you catch Slaughterhouse standing behind Eminem? I'm pretty sure I saw Joe Budden giggle and Joell Ortiz look hungry. Either this is a sign that Slaughterhouse is signing to Shady Records, or that Slaughterhouse and Eminem just had a fun sleepover. (They spent all night playing "light as a feather, stiff as a board.")

As for Drake's "Forever" music video, it's cool. But it's no Degrassi.

P.S. I write "Little Wayne," because I can't bring myself to abbreviate "little." It makes my soul weep.
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Friday, September 18, 2009

Week 48: Run This Universe (ft. P.Genz)

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For the week of 9/13/2009 - 9/18/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

We're too big for towns.

Check out P.Genz at www.myspace.com/pgenz. He's a talented young rapper with an album better than most major label releases: It's called Souluxe, and is available on Amazon and P.Genz - Souluxe.

And if you'd like to check out my album, look in your local garbage bin. There's sure to be a copy, stained with tears of laughter.

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Sunday, September 13, 2009

Beyonce Knowles vs. Taylor Swift: The Battle For Kanye West's Heart

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Earlier tonight, MTV held their Video Music Awards, which are very prestigious. (No one knows music better than the people behind The Hills and Room Raiders.) And every year, something "crazy" happens, like Britney Spears making out with a snake. Then the next day, everyone talks about it. "Can you believe Britney Spears made out with a snake!" "That girl is crazy!" "Sure is!" "Ha, ha!" "OUR LIVES ARE SO EMPTY."

Anyway, this year was no disappointment, as Tight Pants Enthusiast Kanye West stormed the stage. It was kind like of when Ol' Dirty Bastard stormed the stage at the 1997 Grammy's, except not as funny. You see, Taylor Swift won the award for Best Whatever, and that did not sit well with Kanye. He thought Beyonce should have won, because she is the Norse God of Gyration. So of course he runs on stage, takes the mic away from Taylor Swift, and says Beyonce made one of the best videos ever. This should all give Kanye something to rap about on his next album, Designer Labels And Why I'm Great.

But this got me thinking - what are these videos everyone is so upset about? Let's take a look.

Beyonce - Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)



So...we're supposed to propose to girls as soon as we meet them? And aren't rings like super expensive? You should probably date a girl for a while before buying them things that represent a life commitment. And what if you liked it, but didn't want to put a ring on it? Maybe you liked it, but just wanted to kiss it and run away. And who is "it," anyway? Cthulhu? I'm so confused.

But the video is awesome! I think it's in black and white because if it were in color, we wouldn't be able to handle Beyonce's sexiness. Our faces would melt, like the guys who saw the Ark of the Covenant at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Beyonce will teach us many new dances in the decades to come, and for we shall be thankful, and rejoice.

Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me



Hot girls wearing glasses have such a hard time dating. Will they never get a break?

Well, I'm guessing they could get a break, if they took off their glasses. Glasses make you hideous! It's like wearing a berka made out of poop.

And what's with pretty people making songs about being unloved? I'm pretty sure you're not unloved, pretty people. That's like an ugly person singing about being sexually desirable. Which I guess Fat Joe does. I'd like this video more if Fat Joe was the Heartthrob Jock pursuing Taylor Swift the Ugly Loser. Then it would be clear the video was taking place in an alternate universe.

Also, notice that Taylor Swift does not get her Dream Guy until she takes off her glasses . This whole video is basically an ad for contacts.

So what's the best video? Raekwon's "House Of Flying Daggers." But Beyonce and Taylor Swift, nice work. You can start making out like Britney Spears and the snake any time now.
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Saturday, September 12, 2009

Week 47: Lords of the Rings (ft. Jerhymasaurus)

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For the week of 9/6/2009 - 9/12/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

The best Lord of the Rings song not written by Tom Bombadil. Jerhymasaurus is a rapper and filmmaker living in Los Angeles. Check out his website at http://jeremiahalexis.com/ and his videos & www.youtube.com/jeremiahalexis

My apologies for no more daily blogging. It's been hard with shooting Smash Cuts all week. When we wrap filming, I'll be able to post more stupid things here.

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Friday, September 4, 2009

Week 46: Shoutouts (ft. Optimus Crime)

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For the week of 8/30/2009 - 9/5/2009:



Download mp3 with UserShare
Bino White @ MySpace
Bino White @ URSession
Bino White @ Facebook

There a lot of people we'd like to thank. KAPOW!

Optimus Prime is Tommy Bechtold, one of the other cast members of Smash Cuts. The show premieres September 27th on CBS/The CW, and if you don't watch it, you won't get into Heaven. Also, Tommy is in the upcoming movie Sophomore.

I'll be collaborating with all the Smash Cuts cast members before Bino White Weekly ends on Week 54. And there will be a couple collaborations with other people. IT'S LIKE I HAVE FRIENDS.

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Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Things That Are Happening NOW - 9/2/2009

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- President Obama is going to address Congress about health care. If if it goes anything like a Town Hall Meeting, he will be interrupted by angry hobbit-Americans, holding misspelled signs, loaded guns and what's left of their shattered dreams. Oh, and throw in Glenn Beck, weeping, drawing swastikas on the floor with his own blood. Our country is turning into a nightmare circus freak show, over the most boring issue ever.

- God hates Los Angeles.

- Gmail broke down yesterday, giving hipsters everywhere an excuse not to work, even though they weren't really working anyway. So, they spent 100 minutes adjusting their ironic T-shirts and reading Pitchfork reviews. (WHAT UP, TAKEN BY TREES!)

- DJ AM is dead. I'll forever remember how he...um...dated Nicole Richie? Tweeted? Played music in nightclubs? I don't think I'm supposed to be in this grief circle. You guys have fun, though. Wait, not "fun." You know what I mean. A human died!

- Jaycee Dugard escaped from her kidnapper, after 18 years of being held hostage. So what you're saying is, she's available! Someone please update her Facebook status to "Single." But don't poke her. It's too soon.

- Next week Raekwon will release Only Built 4 Cuban Linx II, and Jay-Z will release The Blueprint 3. Will Kriss Kross never release Totally Krossed Out II?

- Drake, Kanye West, Eminem and Little Wayne collaborated on a song for a LeBron James documentary. The recording sessions must have been quite a party. Drake gave everyone maple syrup, Kanye gave everyone tight pants, Eminem gave everyone pills, and Little Wayne gave everyone wackness.

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